Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
