Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
