well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
