How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
