Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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