New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
