My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
