how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
