i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
