Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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