it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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