his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
