i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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