im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
