Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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