I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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