dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
