you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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