Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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