The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
