he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
