remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So here I am, sexting at work.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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