u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
