Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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