i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
