shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
