i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
