i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
