Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
