if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
