i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
