I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
