He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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