I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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