Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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