singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
