No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
