would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
