sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
