He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
