I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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