I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
