you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
