My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
