Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
