Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
