i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
