Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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