theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we're so committed to being not committed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
