I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
