Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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