I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
